I have done all that has been told of me. Gone to whatever Doctors I was told to. Done every procedure, regardless of cost and risk factor. Changed my ways. Stopped doing what I was told to. What do I have to show for it? I am in the same position I was in before all the procedures and doctors were involved. Everything for nothing. I got 3 clots but a b*tch ain’t one.
I am falling apart……literally. I can take random pain but when limitations are placed on how I live then I get the feeling of rocking life like a video game. My whole “Go Big or Go Home” mantra comes into play big time. I figure if I am broken, might as well push as hard as possible until the broken becomes so bad I have no choice but to stay still. I hate being hurt or sick. I feel like it’s a weakness on myself and character. Doing what I do you can’t be held as weak. People don’t want to be apart of or invest in the weak. I have lots still to do…thing to prove….things to get done……
Legacy. I had to go back to Ivinson for another Doppler on my leg today. I have spent quite of bit of time here in the past months getting tested and poked. Every time I go I have to get admitted and in the waiting area on the wall there is this plaque. Every time I sit there and look at this plaque I think about one word: Legacy. I read the accomplishments this nice couple have done in their lifetime and I can’t help but somehow compare or try to justify my own legacy during my existence. I guess my work on 6 boards and my community work may make it but it’s doubtful. My businesses probably wouldn’t make the list. My personal life, which is awesome, wouldn’t make the cut either. So what am I left with? Lot’s of work to make my life somehow meaningful and build a legacy that is plaque worthy….for who you ask? The next guy in a waiting room who gets to read my plaque I guess….we live, work, love and survive….all for that plaque.